


CASTLESHIP RULES

by DireShire



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 02:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14150283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DireShire/pseuds/DireShire
Summary: Allura institutes a few new rules after... some issues occur._________________this is a shitpost that my best friend and I wrote, don't take it seriouslya lot of stupid stupid shitalso some sexual stuff





	CASTLESHIP RULES

-ALLURA'S NOTES-

-Whoever gave Coran a copy of "Fifty Shades of Gray" is going to the paladin time-out corner for 3 hours.

-Keith needs to get more clothes than his jacket and Beyonce shirts.

-You CANNOT continue hacking everyone’s twitter to say crude things, Holts! It’s immature and rude! Last time I checked, Lance’s was sharing PornHub links.  
EDIT: I am sorry for falsely accusing you of making Lance’s account share PornHub links. Lance, stop sharing porn!

-The excuse “WE’RE FORMING VOLTRON” is not a viable reason to run through the hallways, screaming at 4:58 in the morning.

-I understand that you are very short-tempered, Keith, but that’s not an excuse to attempt to snap Coran’s neck if he misplaced your mothman figurines.

-Matthew Holt, please stop saying “Alwight evwerywone! Let’s fworm WOLTWRON!” everytime we’re out on a mission.

-Hunk is not allowed to be the spinner during Twister due to his past of repeatly faking the spins and simply telling the paladins to conform to awkward and rather inappropriate poses, and also due to Lance's habit of attempting to touch Keith because of said awkward positions. And Keith's habit of allowing it.

-I am starting to get suspicious of the amount of cucumbers that you are purchasing, Lance. How many face masks do you use a day?

-We recently found a poached creature living in Keith's closet. Keith, you cannot take small animals from other planets because they're tiny and you want to squeeze them. It's nothing personal, and please do not have abandonment issues over this.

-You MUST wear clothes that cover EVERYTHING at all times. Matthew, we did not need to know that you own an emoji thong.

-Lance is no longer allowed to "la chancla" his fellow paladins.

-Please, for the love of all that is holy, please stop having intercourse in the pilot room. We know for a fact that Shiro and Matt have at least once, and I am honestly afraid to know how many times Keith and Lance have.

-Hunk, you are not allowed to stash two months worth of snacks in your lion. We now have to deal with ants inside Yellow.

-Pidge, stop leaving your furbies in the hallways in the morning. Lance screamed and woke everyone up at 3:24. I know you think it’s funny, but it’s actually terrifying. Either keep your tiny fluffy demons in your dorm, or I will personally eject them into space.

-Lance cannot salsa while blasting Katy Perry after 20:00.

-I know that Keith is your little brother, and that you care for his well being, Shiro, but this is the fifth time I’ve found a box of condoms outside his dorm with a note saying “Stay protected little bro :)”. It’s very sweet of you but I do not like the mental image that this projects

-And Matthew. Stop leaving your rope and leather outside Shiro’s dorm with a note that says “heyy babzzz letz git haaard tonite ;) ;)”. Everytime I ask you not to, you make an excuse that you were drunk. If you’re getting drunk this often, then I will send you to rehab myself.

-Keith, you absolutely must start washing your hair with soap. Your hair is too dark and too thick to go unattended, and everytime you shake your head dandruff gets everywhere.

-Valentine's day is, of course, a day for romance, but Lance… your little stunt was over the line. From now on, do not place Red and Blue in the same hangar in a “humping” position and then proceed to strip naked as you wait for Keith to find you.

-Actually, no sex whatsoever within the lions.

-Spooning is, of course, acceptable, but not in the middle of a mission, Keith! Lance, stop giving into him so easily!

-And finally, I am going to be instituting a swear jar. Pidge does not need to hear this foul language!

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

-KEITH'S NOTE: Those figurines are valuable, bitch.  
-PIDGE'S NOTE: You cunt. I am not paying a single fucking gac for the privilege of using my goddamned mouth. I will shove your Altean longsword up your ass, Allura. Get rid of this shit.


End file.
